Why being a mouth breather sucks...

I cannot say that there is anything positive about the inability to breathe through your nose. There are a lot of problems with mouth breathing. Here are a few:

• I do not know if this is scientifically proven, but I feel that you get more sore throats
• waking up every morning feeling like you are choking to death
• looking like a moron at red lights and stop signs
• looking like you are catching flies all the time
• catching flies
• certain death if someone held their hand over your mouth

Another thing I have noticed about mouth breathing is that mouth breathers tend to have the same look. Over the years I have been told I look like a lot of famous people. Unfortunately, they have never been attractive. Even worse, they have never been females.

Here is a list of my celebrity look a likes. (Most of which I disagree with):

• Steve Nash - the greasy haired, horse faced basketball star
• The drummer for the Foo Fighters
• David Spade (more specifically when he played a "Gap Girl.")
• Jon Heder-Napoleon Dynamite,Blades of Glory

What do all of these people have in common? I think they are all mouth breathers. I am not 100% sure of this. Well, except Jon Heder and he is undeniably a mouth breather.

I remember one time me and my sister sitting in a bar together. I just started laughing because both of us were mouth breathing hard. I commented on the fact that we looked like we were catching flies.

If in fact there is a heaven, what would you want to hear God say when you get there? "You can now close your mouth."