On a serious note...

I sit down at the computer every Monday with a few goals in mind.  One goal is to reflect on my life, to see the humor in things that have happened along the way, and to examine what got me to where I am.  Another goal is to make the reader laugh. To make the reader find the humor in my life while hopefully relating it to their own.  Another goal is to let those people that don't know me well, to know me.  For those that do know me, to know me better.
The stories I tell are usually deeper than they appear.  I hope that you can look into your own life, reflect on yourself, see what made you who you are.

I had a major turning point in my life around 2.5 years ago. Becoming a mother shook me to my core.  It has been the best thing to happen to me and for me.  It made me take a long hard look in the mirror. This has been , by far, the hardest thing I have done in my life.  To look at yourself and figure out who you are, what you believe in, what you want to be, what others think you are, etc. is emotionally exhausting. At the end of all of that reflection is a big fat rainbow with a  pot of gold at the end. This rainbow is called happiness.  Through this process I have started to see who I really am. I have done something else that is something I couldn't say before and that is I like who I am.  Having a child has shown me that hiding behind this mask of who people want you to be or who you think they want you to be, is a waste.  Having a child made me want to be me always. It made me want to make sure that he knows who his momma is.

I don't want to think that I am the same person I was when I was twelve.  That person was who I was that lead me to who I am.  People sometimes tell me "you have changed."   In my mind I think "thank God."  Change is good. Growth is good.

Being able to laugh has gotten me through some rough times in my life.  Being able to laugh at myself has gotten me through the journey of self discovery.  One thing you may or may not know about me is I have spent a lifetime worrying. Worrying about what people thought, worrying about worrying, worrying about life.  I have also spent my life with a low self-esteem. If you are surprised by that then I think I deserve an Oscar.  =)  I have never felt comfortable in my own skin until very recently.  Now I know that it's mine....too thin, too white, scarred, whatever it is it is mine.  I have grown to love it. It took 29 years but I've done it.

 Over the next few weeks, I will be out in the world trying new things, wearing a bikini and not worrying one bit that I have a 12 inch incision from back surgery, or that my hips are still a little crooked.  I will be wearing my short shorts even though my legs are whiter than this screen I am typing on and I have a lifelong situation of not being able to shave my knees well.  I will be eating foods I never thought I would eat.  I will be enjoying the moment. I will be focusing on the day I am living instead of what I am going to be doing tomorrow.

I will not be posting to my blog for a few weeks. Part of living in the moment is also not living in the past.  I will come back refreshed with many, many Mondays of stories to share. I hope that you will come back and join me.